Howling Pipes

Dammit all to hell. Our pipes are possessed. For the last several minutes, the pipes leading to the bathrooms are howling. What the hell is THAT? I had to take a blow torch practically to replace the handle on one of the toilets, which I got off and replaced. But, the pipes are howling over and over and over again! What is that? Any plumbers out there reading, please advise! And, here come the tears, from the pipes, and the announcement from my son that the reason his friend and said friend's little sisters canot come over and hang out is because their mom doesn't think I take care of my house. I can't believe I'm admitting this. But, what the hell. Now, my home is not the house on Wife Swap that has flies and carcasses and ashtrays overflowing. I do have all of my teeth and I do work. But, as I've mentioned in previous self indulgent blogs, we have these friggins dogs that shit and a few spots in the house. I even ordered mail order Urine B Gone. I've yelled, reasoned, ignored, begged, threatened, these dogs. I want to rip up the carpet. I do not have a filthy house. But, boy, this hurt. THis really hurt. There has to be more to it than that. But, I'm used to this kind of reasoning.

It didn't help that I heard this at 8:30 after a 10 hour day and blowing my diet today by buying cheetos and attending the Work Day lunch at church today, ONLY for the amazing food. I'd done so well for almost two weeks. No cheating. Had lost somewhere between 8 - 10 lbs. But, dammit. I ate ham and potatos and jello and cake and pie and beriocks, or whatever they heck they are.... I ate as much as anyone else. And, the day went to hell from there.

Ok, here is the REAL problem. I don't like to stand up to people. I'll reason with them, act like something doesn't hurt and then retreat with a bag of cheetos and then lose it. What pisses me off more is that I let this get to me, when the kids both handed me their report cards and both did well. No, it wasn't a Sylvan moment, but, just the same, they did better.

So here I go,pipes still howling... what in the HELL? I'm doing the best that I can! My kids are doing the best that they can! And, even these rotten little dogs are doing the best that THEY can! We don't smoke crack. We don't drink. We don't own guns. I pay all of our bills on time. I am not wanted anywhere. I tell the truth. So, what the hell is the deal? You know what I think it is, what continues to happen, is this: people are freaked about Gordon. If he killed himself, then, well, there had to be a reason. And, perhaps the reason rests with us/me. I'm tired of people that used to say 'hi', just kind of half smiling as they walk away. I'm tired of it. We are the rain on their parade. But, guess what? It friggin rains sometimes. That's life.

I guess this is a shame spiral of sorts. Sorry. But, dammit. A list of people I'd like to take out back and kick:

Howard Stern
George Bush
Lindsey Lohan
CarrotTop
Gilbert Godfried
sometimes.....Oprah
my insurance agent who always seems annoyed when I call. He's been my agent since 1989, for god's sake! I oughta fire his butt
the guy that calls my office a few times a week asking for Borders but it's not, and he argues with me, like I'm going to sayl, 'Oh, you are right: this IS Borders which means I showed up to work at a place I don't work'
The pipes
The dogs!
The Cheetos!

Ok, feel a bit better. Now a list of people I'd like to have lunch with:

Conan O'Brien
Jim Gandolfini (he plays Tony Soprano)
David Chase (creator of the Sopranos)
Denzel Washington
Jon Stewart
Billy Bob Thornton
Queen LaTifah
The Dog Whisperer
Dr. Phil
Steve Carrell (The Office)

I hope that anyone who reads this, which I doubt wil, has had a better day than this. Again, any pluimbers out there, please advise.