I did it. I worked out for the first time since my diagnosis. Being able to do something physical like that, just for the sake of working out, was a dream come true. I realized while I was on the treadmill, that I didn't think I'd really ever be able to do that. And, the reaction my body had to working out was that I had so much more energy the rest of the day. Night and day.

Lots of bad dreams about Gordon. Always the same: he's leaving me for someone else. I read somewhere that every character in a dream represents a part of ourselves. I know that it's all wrapped up in the way I feel betrayed by his death. And, I have been fighting tears a lot. But, this all has to happen, tears and dreams. God, I miss him so much.

A friend whose adult son died about a year ago told me the other day that he had visited her, that it was as clear as day. I listened intently. I believe it could be true. I know some people don't hear that kind of thing well. But, I believe it is possible. I have had someone tapping on my shoulder while was sleeping, and no one is there. It startled me so much I woke up, and couldn't return to sleep.

I made the copies of the pictures for his family. I am going to print them out and then put them in an album and send it to them. I have to keep in mind they lost him, too. But, they made no effort to reach out to him.

Tackled most of the house, but now it's my room. I gotta get this under control. I'll feel better.

Daughter is getting along; the key is to have just one friend over. 3 never work. Just 2.