Happily, Sometimes

Another anniversary has come and gone. It's just a day, but a day that changed everything for me. I believed that marrying him was the answer to everything, not knowing what the question(s) were, if that makes sense. But, I believed that getting married and loving someone as much as I loved him, was stronger than anything else. I put alot of stock into that ring, veil, vows and pomp and circumstance.

When I see ads for wedding stuff or hear people remarking on a wedding, it seems like such a big sham. What does it signify? It represents a concept, not a truth. It all can come crashing down around a survivor, when the spouse dies, cheats, whatever. I sit in support meetings with other spouses and we all look shell-shocked. I know we all feel about the same way: we believed in someone and something that was really, in a lot of ways, unfair. One person cannot 'fix' anything. One person doesn't complete another. The pressure I placed on our marriage and on myself and on him, were really totally unfair. Big time.

I guess marriage is ok, if one wants to raise a family? But, even then, I just don't know. I think I'd rather teach a kid that sometimes relationships don't last a lifetime and that it is ok. Where's the harm in teaching about loss? We run from it, but, inevitably, we'll all run smack dab into it.

I am sad that I once believed that getting married would lead to 'happily ever after'. No, it sure didn't. But, that is ok. I can handle not living happily 'ever after'. How about, 'happily, sometimes?' Where's the harm in that?