My American Family

I wasn't sure what I would be writing about tonight. I knew I had to write as too much stuff was rattling around in this noggin of mine. Would I write about the difficulty of living with my 79-year old dad and trying to figure out his recent mood swings? Would I write about the incredible transformation of my daughter into a scholar? Would I write about Joaquin Phoenix? No, I decided instead I would write about 'An American Family'.

When I was 10 years old, my mom started watching a documentary on PBS called, 'An American Family' and for whatever reason, I got hooked with her. Here I am, a 4th grader, learning about Laura Ingalls Wilder by day, and wondering with mom if Mr. Loud was cheating on Mrs. Loud, by night. That kind of sums up our childhood.

Mom would invite me in to her bedroom she reluctantly shared with my dad. And, we'd watch this documentary on our little black and white tv that my sister, Sarah and I later destroyed by accident, by filling up a syringe with water and squirting the screen (why did we have syringes? Again, that's a long story...)

Anyway, I count this memory of lying on one of the twin beds (again, a long story) in mom and dad's room, watching this tv show with mom, as a sweet memory. Mom was not a sweet lovey, dovey mom. So, we took what we could get. And, wondering aloud if Lance was gay (whatever that meant) with mom was fun for me. 'Off to bed, now, Rose' she would say, when the show was over. And, I would tottle off to bed.

I was mesmerized by this family. They were wealthy, compared to us, that was for sure. They lived in California, which I thought was so wonderful. And, I was fascinated by the idea that a boy would like boys, instead of girls. That is how mom explained Lance's behavior on the show. But, the episode that really stood out for me, was the episode when Pat Loud (the mom) asked her husband to leave...

I remember feeling a little sick to my stomach, with the thought of a mom and dad purposely breaking up. I remember looking at my mom, watching that all unfold on the screen, and wondering if she would do that to my beloved dad someday. Of course, she did just a year or so later....

What was amazing about that show was that it was the first time that REAL families were shown on television. I guess it validated what was happening in homes all over the country, perhaps not in upscale Santa Barbara (I think that was where they lived) but even in Topeka, KS. 'Divorce' was a word I had scarcely hard before this show. And, by the following year, it was a word that permeated every ounce of my being, as I felt the effects of that word, which became a verb for us, everyday.

I think, that I read that Mr. and Mrs. Loud ended up back together, just like my mom and dad. I may be wrong about that, but, I think that is right. And, I wonder why they got back together? Who knows for sure...

But, I have to say I miss the days when television was provocative, not grotesque. Although, I can't imagine that a 10-year old girl knew the difference between the two.

I'm pooped. Hump day tomorrow.