Roll With It

Although I was home sick with a stomach bug today, I know it was good to be home. Despite the obvious, the need to have one's own bathroom on hand for what ails ya, I felt like someone bigger and much better than I were in charge, telling me, 'guess what? You, my dear, are grounded. You are staying home. You are resting. You are breathing nice and deep. And, that's the way it is gonna be today'. I don't know if that makes sense. But, I kept telling my dad, 'I am so so glad I stayed home and didn't push it'. He always would say, 'I am, too', but I could tell he was a little bit like, 'ok, big deal, you are home and have the trots, so, big deal'. But, you see it is bigger than that. I surrendered.

Surrender is a word I've never liked much. In fact, it is a word I avoid at all costs. I'm more of a push-through-whatever kind of person. Sometimes that works and it has helped me through some unusually tight spots, like, surviving cancer twice, the death of my beloved husband, and tragic loss of my oldest sis, Ann, and only sweet bro, Sam.... But. Sometimes, you gotta surrender.

I've Got Soul, But, I'm Not a Soldier

One of the greatest lyrics of any song, ever, by The Killers.

Anyway. I wonder how many times I have done the push-through-whatever and have made things worse for myself? It was a revelation of sorts for me today. I cannot tell you how many times I have gone to work, sick, and just pushed through and then been much worse, but able to say that I pushed through it (I think the word here is martyr, but not sure). Or, for example, gone to that meeting or that get togeter, just so I could say that I did what was expected of me, by me, by the way....

Well, today, I raised the white flag of defeat and the world did not crumble.

Wow. And, all day long, I kept thinking, how GREAT it was, to have made this decision. I did not wrestle with guilt all day for putting ROSE FIRST. I did not worry nonstop about how others would respond to me puting Rose FIRST. I mean, I need to get over myself. And, it felt so good to make this change....

Sometimes, you gotta throw in the towel. It might be a relationship. It might be a job. It might be a date with friends. It might be calling in sick when you are sick and shouldn't be at work in the first place. It might be closing a business... it might be acknowledging that you just don't know why something happened, and living with I Don't Know....

Just being. Once I just went with it, that I was feeling rotten and needed rest, things took care of themselves. Keeping things simple.

I challenge all 3 or 4 of you readers out there to just roll with it... whatever IT is, and trust that it will all be ok....