Surely things will improve.

I wish I could shake these blues, but I can't. It's not the holidays but the endings that I am a little weary from. My job will end in June. I don't know that this job suits me anymore, really, and spending my days in the basement of a church, sometimes alone for the majority of the day, isn't good. It's a waste of time. But, the pay has been steady and reliable and I'm fearful that I'll not find a way to make money in other ways.

And, there's the class -- that has me worried, fretting, stewing. What if I can't do it? I hate being in this limbo-land, floating around, waiting for something to happen. Christmas has it's own stresses. Trying to ensure that the kids each get what they hoped for, and are satisfied, is exhausting. And, not a peep about what I might want. Not that a kid should even be expected to purchase something for their mom. But, I suspect there isn't a thing under the tree for me. But, that is ok? Is it?

The last time I felt really peaceful and happy was last weekend. I was driving through the streets of Lawrence with my son. We were headed to a cleaning job and it was snowing to beat the band. We had Christmas music playing and I was enjoying his company. I'm so proud of him. And, I was so thankful that he took his day to help his mom. That meant alot.

Surely things will improve.