Seafood and sad stories

This weekend I attended a conference for folks like me, suicide survivors. It was in Seattle, which is a wonderful city. Amazing place. The conference themes were familiar. Nothing that was said came as a big surprise to me. Suicide survivor, strength, relief, blame, courage.... words like that floated through everyone's conversations. My head hurt by the end of each day. I'd be leveled by the realization that I was at a conference because of what Gordon did two years ago this week. It was unsettling. I decided to stop thinking so hard and just.... enjoy.

Getting away from the kids and the job and the dogs and the cats was good for me. And, I suspect it was good for all of them, too. I did not even think about work while I was gone. it's amazing how that could so easily be tossed aside for me. Who knew?

I met other people just like me, that, on one day in the last year or several years ago, felt their world end in one sentence. 'I regret to inform you.....'

I had an opportunity to include his picture on a national quilt of victims of suicide. It felt wrong for me at this time to do that. I wasn't ready to offer him to everyone..... not just yet.

He's still mine and the kids. He still belongs to us. I'm not ready to share just yet.

The kids were worried about me, about the plane crashing and leaving them an orphan. Lots of phone calls back and forth letting them know everything was ok.

Having dinner overlooking Puget Sound, seeing the mountains in the distance, breathing in sea air, eating fresh seafood and being able to talk openly about things no one stays around long enough to ask about.... it was a real gift.